Sixteen and Pregnant! A BSC Special
by oneoneohohone
Summary: Look out, the BSC is back and this time they're getting their own TV show! Kristy, Claudia, Stacey and Mary Anne deal with the ups and downs of a special pact between friends. This is a PARODY. Mature Content, lots of bad words, have fun! WIP like i ever finished a story
1. Chapter 1

"My name is Kristin Amanda Thomas, and The Baby Club was my idea."

Kristy smiled brightly at the camera and turned to the side, rubbing her bulging belly. Dressed in jeans and a turtleneck, with a long, messy ponytail, she looked to be about twelve. In reality, she was sixteen.

Behind the camera was the rest of The Baby Club - Mary Anne Spier, Claudia Kishi and Stacey McGill. All three girls bulged with six months of pregnancy as well. They smiled, rubbed their bellys, and cooed at each other - eager to be mothers.

"How did the idea come to you?" Asked the thirty-something woman with dark hair. She looked interested, concerned, and slightly disgusted. Her name was Teresa Burton, and she was the producer of "The Baby Club," a reality show based on four girls living in Stoneybrook, Connecticut. Teresa was uncomfortable with the premise of the show. Not so much because it glamorized teen pregnancy, but because she could tell Kristy was going to be Trouble.

"It all started last summer," Kristy said, getting serious. "I was playing softball with Bart and some of the guys from his school..."

* * *

"Catch it, Thomas!" Bart Taylor shouted, running toward Kristy at full speed.

Kristy backed up, glaring into the sun. Where was the ball? Where was the damn -

Womp!

The thing, you see, about softballs, is that they really aren't that soft. And when one whacks you in the head after being power-driven by a seventeen year old jock who thinks he's Barry Bonds, things get a bit fuzzy.

Kristy didn't remember how she got on the ground, but she was there. Bart kneeling over her, shaking her shoulders and shouting her name.

"What happened?" Kristy moaned, her eyelids fluttering.

"You got knocked out by the ball." Bart said, grinning widely with relief. He leaned down and kissed her on the lips. "Only for a second," he added, sitting up again. "But it scared the shit out of me."

Sitting up slowly, Kristy winced. "If I was out then I need to see a doctor. Drive me?"

"Of course." Bart Stood up, dusted himself off, and helped up Kristy. She swayed when she stood. The hot, humid air made her stomach turn. August in Stoneybrook was a miserable time, and the heat was not helping with her headache at all.

Stoneybrook Urgent Care Center was only three minutes from the field. Once there, Kristy was examined and it was determined she had no concussion, just a hell of a lump. She was sent home with a perscription for Vicodin and orders to take it easy for the next two days.

Kristy Thomas is somewhat of a goody-goody, but still a teenager. She and Bart had been heavily petting and working their way around third base all summer. To Bart's delight, the Vicodin and boredom caused by her injury made Kristy lose her inhabitions, and the same night she was hit in the head, she had sex with Bart for the first time.

"It was really nice." Kristy told her best friend Mary Anne the next day. The two of them were laying in the grass under a huge oak on Mary Anne's property. "Not a big deal at all. I don't know what all the fuss leading up to it is about. It's fun."

"It leads to babies." Mary Anne said dreamily. She, like her friends, loved children, especially babies. "I want a baby so bad. I wish Dad and Sharon would have one already."

* * *

"And that's when it hit me." Kristy went on, still smiling.

Teresa kept a straight face, though horrified at the simplicity of it.

"The Baby Club. A long time ago, I ran a business called The Baby-Sitters Club. The four of us started it. When we started high school, the club got left behind. Not enough time for baby-sitting and solving mysteries."

"Mysteries?" Teresa asked, perplexed.

"It was a hobby of ours." Stacey interjected, embarrassed. She hoped Kristy wouldn't go off on a tangent about their silly crime-solving sprees.

"Anyway," Kristy went on, barely masking her annoyance at Stacey's interruption. "Freshman and Sophomore years were hectic, but I thought to myself, Junior year is pretty calm. Maybe we could get the old club back together, but with a new goal. To have babies! All at the same time."

"It was very efficient." Mary Anne added loyally. "If we all concieved before October, we would have our babies in July and not miss any school. By the time we start senior year, they will be old enough to be left with baby-sitters, and we'll have the time to get through school."

"We'll all help each other." Stacey added. "And when it's time for college, we'll all go to the same school so that we can keep helping."

Teresa looked at all for girls, trying to find some sign that any of them had doubts about this plan. Claudia Kishi, who had become pudgy with baby weight, simply rolled her eyes and unwrapped a Twinkie.

"Claudia." Teresa asked. "Tell me about how you became a part of the club."

Claudia held her hand up in a "One moment" gesture as she swallowed her Twinkie. "I love kids. And when Kristy mentioned the part about eating all the food I wanted, I really liked the idea..."

* * *

The hardest part, for Claudia, had been finding a boyfriend to get her pregnant. She'd always had trouble finding the right guy - unlike her best friend Stacey, who boys and now men flocked to. When Kristy had called and asked if the could have a "meeting" in her room that August, Claudia had been laying on her bed, a bag of M&M's in one hand and a Danielle Steel book in the other, wondering when her prince charming would come along.

Claudia saw on the caller ID that it was Kristy and resisted the urge to say "Hello, Baby-Sitters Club!" when she answered. "Hey, Kristy."

"Claud!" Kristy shouted on the other end. She was one of those people that always spoke loudly on a cell phone. "I have an Idea!"

Claudia popped a handfull of candy in her mouth. "Mmmm." was all she said.

"Can Mary Anne and I come over? Call Stacey! We'll be there in ten minutes!" And she was gone. The next Claudia knew -

"Order!" Kristy barked from the directors chair.

Mary Anne sat up straight. Claudia rolled her eyes. Stacey gaped at Kristy in astonishment. "Are you kidding?" She asked shrilly.

"No, I'm not kidding, I have important new business! Possibly the best idea I've ever had..."

* * *

"What did you say about Kristy's idea, Stacey?" Teresa asked, leaning closer to the group.

"I thought it was cool." Stacey said, flashing a dazzling smile. She's had her teeth whitened that morning.

"Cool?"

"Of course! I mean, look at all these girls, getting their own shows on TV just for getting knocked up on accident. These girls are all losers, every last one of them. Our plan was simple, and it is going to work. We're smart, we have a plan, and we know everything their is to know about raising children."

"What's the maximum income requirement for the Child Tax Credit?" Teresa asked the mathh whiz with a sparkle in her eye.

Stacey blinked. "Excuse me?"

"So you all thought it was a great idea, you all made the plan, you all made this pact to get pregnant within the same amount of time. Did you discuss techniques for getting pregnant together?"

Stacey shook her head. "No. Kristy kept miming blowjobs and Mary Anne almost cried when we tried to talk about posistions. There was never a serious discussion on sexual technique. They were all virgins, anyway. Well, not Kristy." Stacey smiled importantly. "I taught them a few things, though."

"Like what?"

"Like how easy it is to get pregnant. All it takes is one slip. Too many drinks with a guy, you slip up. It happens."

"And you know this..."

"Because I was already pregnant at the meeting."

* * *

"WHAT?!" Kristy boomed, jumping out of the directors chair. "It was my idea, I should be the first-"

"Are you KIDDING me?" Stacey screeched back. "I didn't _plan_ it, Kristy. You know how alcohol is. You go to a bar, some older guy you don't know puts a drink in front of you, you wake up pregnant. It's normal."

"Uh-" Mary Anne began to inturrupt.

"Nevermind that." Kristy said, waving Mary Anne off. She sat back down, chewing her pencil roughly. "Fine. Stacey is first. Bart and I didn't use a condom, maybe I'm pregnant, too." She grinned triumphantly at Stacey, who merely glared, crossing her arms across her chest.

"When did you find out?" Claudia asked, a tinge of jealously in her voice.

"Three days ago. I was going to tell you, Claud, I just... " Stacey trailed off, picturing the video she'd spent three days working on to submit to MTV. "I wanted to set thing straight, first." She mumbled, looking down.

Claudia unwrapped a Heath bar, broke it in half, and stuffed both halves in her mouth. "How am I supposed to find a guy?" She asked around the candy, rooting around under her pillow.

"How am I supposed to talk to Logan about this?" Mary Anne asked, flushing crimson.

All three girls simply looked at her.

"Mary Anne, you and Logan don't talk about sex?" Stacey asked, astonished.

Mary Anne flinched at the word "sex." "Uhm, no, we don't. Ever."

* * *

Teresa looked at Mary Anne thoughtfully. "What did you know about sex before this?"

Mary Anne's eyes grew wide. "Oh. Oh, I don't talk about -"

"Yes, yes, I know. But did you know anything?"

"None of it accurate." Stacey said lowly, a smirk on her face.

"Logan knew some things. He'd seen a movie once by accident he said." She wrung her hands together, looking around nervously.

Claudia snorted. Even Kristy grinned to herself. Stacey rolled her eyes.

"So Claudia. When your time came, there were complications. Tell me about them."

"Alan Gray is a freak. End of story." Kristy said disgustedly.

"She was talking to me." Claudia snapped. "Alan is not a freak. He just... likes to play pranks..."

* * *

Kristy Thomas, while under the influence of Vicodin, did a great many things she wouldn't normally have done. One of them was having sex with Bart Taylor multiple times. Another was sleeping with Alan Gray, as well.

It happened on a rainy evening. Kristy had gone to Pizza Express for a medium pizza and some time to herself. Two seconds after sitting down, a straw cover shot into the side of her face and Alan Gray sat across from her. "Thomas." He sad with a not.

"Gray. What are you having?" Kristy replied, tossing the straw cover aside and noticing the way Alan's biceps rippled under his sleeves.

"The works. I was thinking maybe I could eat with you?"

"You can do a lot of things with me..." Said Vicodin, and that was that. Without much effort, Alan seduced Kristy into the back of his 94 Toyota Camry while the rain poured down and didn't bother with a raincoat.

She woke up the next morning with a vague notion of what happened and an empty bottle of Vicodin. She also woke with guilt. She called Bart that morning, and arranged to meet him that night. After a roll or two in the sheets, as was becoming their ritual, Kristy confessed to Bart what Vicodin had done the night before.

Bart was angry.

And soon, Bart was gone.

* * *

"I haven't had sex since." Kristy said. "Obviously the drugs did something warped to my mind. And sure enough, ten days later, I passed a pregnancy test." She sighed, a frustrated sigh that Teresa thought should sound more sad. "I lost Bart. Alan was never really there. I don't know which of them is the father, and I won't until little Jackie is here."

Claudia gave Teresa a secret smile, and Teresa decided it was time for individual interviews.

"You said your boyfriend likes to play pranks." Teresa asked the moment Clauda sat in front of her.

Claudia giggled a little. She dipped her hand into her purse and came out with a small box. She opened it, produced a fork, and began to eat a plump piece of chocolate cake. "Yeah. He always has. Ever since kindergarten."

"Did you tell him about the pregnancy pact?"

"I did! Alan was the only guy I could think of, really. We'd dated a few times before. He'd dated Kristy, too."

Knowing what was coming, Teresa nearly felt sick. Claudia continued to grin like a child in on a secret.

"Alan used protection with Kristy, didn't he?"

Bits of chocolate cake flew as Claudia burst out laughing.


	2. Chapter 2

"Why would you allow one of your best friends to worry about... who the father of her child is?" the producer Theresa asked Claudia, though she was pretty sure of the answer.

"HER idea." Claudia grumbled, shaking her head. "The BSC was all her idea. She did it all. Meanwhile, here's me - using MY room for the meetings, MY phone, MY logo design. I was always the mediator, the one that held us all together when Kristy pissed everyone off. I put so much of myself, my concentration and my life into that business and what did I get? Sent back to the seventh fucking grade, that's what. You would think the fact that I co-ran a successful business at thirteen would have spoken for me, but no."

"So why did you decide to go along with her and have a baby?"

Smiling again, Claudia reached into her pocket and produced a Snickers bar as if by magic. Theresa was impressed. "Easy," she said, unwrapping the candy. "She's going to fall on her face so hard. She is going to fail, so miserably! She'll have her little brother's and sisters and her grandmother looking after her kid, just like her mother, and Karen's going to smother the poor kid wrapping it in sweater pants."

Theresa shuffled through her notes. "Karen... Kristy's stepsister? Are you saying she's dangerous?"

Claudia considered telling the woman about how poor Emily Jr. had seen her end. The poor rat had never seen that wig coming. "No, not dangerous. Just crazy."

* * *

Mary Anne had been second to get pregnant, after Stacey. The night after their first club meeting, she had gone immediately to Logans house to discuss the issue. As they lay on his bed, chastely holding hands, Mary Anne asked him, very timidly, if he wanted to have kids.

They had discussed it before of course. Four kids, a big apartment in New York City, a country home... they knew where they were going. So of course Logan said "Of course."

Mary Anne turned toward him. _"Get as close as you can_." Stacey had instructed her. _"Seduction is about personal space. Make sure a part of you is somewhere near his penis."_

She winced at the memory of the word "penis," but did just that, shifting her leg so that her hip was against his own. Logans entire body tensed. The rule of twelve inches. She never touched anything within a foot of his area. Of course it had happened by accident a few times, usually Logan being clumsy and accidentally rubbing against her.

"I think we would make wonderful parents." Mary Anne said dreamily, shifting even closer.

Logans eyes glazed over, and he began to sweat. "I uh- I do too. Really cute babies."

"Yes!" Mary Anne exclaimed. "Our baby will be so cute. And well behaved." She kissed him on the lips. "And smart."

Logan was astounded. She had never, ever acted this way before. He became excited. Three years. It had been three years, was this finally going to happen?

"Let's have a baby, Logan." Mary Anne said bravely, and reached down.

* * *

"I would have robbed a bank for her." Logan moaned. "I didn't realize she meant right then."

Theresa was sympathetic to this boy. They stood in his bedroom, where a crib had already been set up. "So, then what happened."

"We did it. It's kind of a blur. I'll tell you something, that girl is... NOT shy in bed." The look on his face was something between a smile and a grimace. "A real hellcat, as mah Daddy would say. But yeah, that's how it happened. For three weeks we did it every day. Then one day she texts me a picture of a positive pregnancy test. 'We did it, Daddy!' it says." Logan picked up a baseball off of his desk and stared at it for a moment. "That's okay, though. I'll be picked up right out of high school, major league. I'm sure of it."

"Are you angry?" Theresa asked.

"No. Not angry. I feel a little stupid for not knowing what she was saying when she said it. I can handle a kid, sure. I know I'm a guy," Logan said, lowering his voice, "but I've done a LOT of baby-sitting."

* * *

After the meeting Claudia had brooded over the assignment. She had so much trouble finding a boyfriend! How would she find a guy who wanted to have sex with her?

The following day she'd dressed her sexiest. A mesh shirt with a neon yellow bra worn on the outside, chaps with a matching neon yellow thong, and sparkly earrings in the shape of bacon strips that she had made herself. She didn't really know where to go from there, so she began to walk around town. After the third old man had stopped his car and offered her a ride, she decided this wasn't working. She obviously looked lost, not sexy. Besides, the stiletto heels she had on were starting to hurt her feet.

On TV, girls went to bars to find men to have sex with. Claudia knew she looked sophisticated enough to get into a bar. She worried about the Chilis in town though, because Mallory Pike's dad was ALWAYS there.

So she'd gone to The Cheescake Factory instead. A guy who liked cheesecake would be great!

"That's where I ran into Alan." She said with a sigh. "And I mean, he used to feel me up all the time in eighth grade, so."

"How long did it take?"

"We did it a few times that day, and for a few days after that. Then Kristy came along, and that kind of ruined things. I took my test the day after Mary Anne found out she was pregnant, and so was I." Claudia was halfway through a large container of brownies.

"And what happened when you told Alan?"

"He thought I was joking. He didn't believe me until about a month ago." She licked her fingers. "He's got a great sense of humor."

* * *

Because Stacey had been first to be pregnant, she took it upon herself to instruct the other girls on how to get themselves knocked up, too. She was practically an expert at it. She'd taken four pregnancy tests in her life. It was easier than testing her blood sugar.

When she had told her mother, Maureen had cried. Got all dramatic about being a grandmother at thirty-seven. Stacey had to put her in her place. "MOM! I can handle diabetes, I can handle New York City, I'm tough. I can handle a BABY. Jeez."

Her mother tried to convince her to terminate. "Your body, Stacey!" Maureen tried everything she could think of. "You're going to get all... fat and pimply... greasy hair..."

While Stacey shuddered at the thought of greasy hair, she knew her mother was being stupid. "MOM. Do you remember the time I wet the bed at the slumber party? I can handle a few pimples if I can handle that. Stop being so stupid. I'm going to call Daddy and get some money to decorate my room." She paused. "Oh, and I'll save some, of course! For diapers!"

"Daddy hired me a full-time nanny already." Stacey said, flipping her hair. "He still wants me to go to Cambridge. Such a workaholic."

"So all of the other girls are going to Cambridge, too?"

"Yes! Claudia is going to study REALLY hard this year so she can get in." Stacey replied. Kristy seemed to think they were all going to go to Yale, but no way Claud would do that. It's where Janine was.

"Do you know who the father of your baby is?"

Stacey frowned. "I think so. I'm not sure. I'm waiting to get a good look at Octavia. You like that name? My name is really Anastasia."

"I think that's lovely." Theresa replied, attempting not to gag.


End file.
